Reality

So this is being a bit of a weird week for me. It’s a combination of the usual PMS symptoms, the whole waiting for my period to start thing (Saturday if it turns up when it’s meant to) so we can get started on the whole IVF…adventure? 

And then I’m just getting down about the idea of staying in Oxfordshire long term. I really dislike this area, a combination of far too many people, no discernible pattern to the traffic and the fact that it’s just so far from home (my life revolves around Mr S and my family, and my family are in Wales). Not to mention how expensive absolutely everything is, it really baffles me. The problem is Mr S loves this area, his chosen profession is for the most part based around here, his Dad isn’t too far away from here. Neither of us have any good friends in this area so I’m lonely a good deal of the time when Mr S is busy with his Open University stuff and other space related hobbies. 

It got to the point today that I was in my basement office (luckily by myself) crying my eyes out. This does on occasion happen in the week before my period (only since I started the pill weirdly enough) but I’m sure it’s the waiting that’s the problem, I’m just so frustrated. I never was a patient type it must be said, and none of this seems real to me. 

Every appointment we’ve had in the swanky fertility clinic hasn’t seemed real – maybe because of the fact that it’s a swanky fertility clinic instead of the usual hospital sort of environment I usually associate with medical type stuff. Maybe because I’m trying to distance myself from the whole thing in case it fails dramatically. And maybe because I’m a little sceptical of the numbers as they don’t actually know what the problem is. How can they give a specific you have 40% chance of getting pregnant, when they obviously don’t’t have all of the facts because they don’t know why I’m getting pregnant in the first place?

Anyhow as you can see I’m just being generally grumpy at the world today. Though things are nowhere near as bad as yesterday. Today I can laugh at things and enjoy my husband’s silliness when he tries to cheer me up! Therefore today is better. ☺

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