IVF Day 65 – Running Away from Work

So in my wisdom I decided the best thing I could do today was go to work. It’ll be a distraction I said, I can’t just not go to work because my period started AGAIN I said. So I dutifully got on the bus at 7:30 getting to work by 8:30. The thing is I just couldn’t face it, I couldn’t concentrate and all I wanted to do was come home curl up with the Lost Astronomer and cry, and cry, and cry some more. 

So after about half an hour or so I went to the team secretary (all the bosses were in a meeting) told her I was feeling unwell and was going home. At which point she told me I looked terrible* and I ran away from work catching the next bus home. 

I came in to find the Lost Astronomer still in bed, where I promptly went to join him**. Crying my eyes out. And this has basically been our day. Me crying the husband calming me down. I spent some time messing with the utterly dreadful jigsaw some particularly cruel relative gave us for Christmas (it’s a black and white mechanical drawing of a plane – 1000 pieces and so difficult) and I’ve read an entire Katie Fforde novel. 

I also emailed the fertility clinic telling them about the bleeding and asking if I could take the pregnancy test now instead of Wednesday so we can confirm that it’s over and start trying to pick up the pieces of our lives. Unfortunately, they phoned and said that they couldn’t stop me but they’d prefer if I waited until Wednesday to take the test. Or at least I understand that’s what they said I gave my mobile to the Lost Astronomer to answer. I couldn’t cope.

So despite the fact I should go back to work, I’m just not going to until later in the week and the test is done so I can calm down a bit first… I’m really not dealing with any of this at all well. Which considering I never had much faith in the IVF in the first place I find completely bizarre.

*Crying makes me pale instead of blochy. And I suppose I must look a bit stressed.

**On a complete side note the Lost Astronomer didn’t wake up when I came through the door, despite the fact that I’m a bit, (OK a lot), heavy handed so the door definitely slammed behind me. In fact the first he knew there was anyone in the house was when i flushed the toilet after getting in, which worried him a bit as there was no one besides himself home. I don’t know what he expected to find particularly desperate for the toilet thieves? But my point is anyone could have walked in (with an empty bladder obviously) and taken all our stuff without him even waking up. Luckily we don’t have any valuables.


5 thoughts on “IVF Day 65 – Running Away from Work

  1. I know it’s hard and I know this information won’t help you right at this minute but remember lots of first cycles of IVF fail and then individuals go on to have success in their second cycles. You have two precious frozen embryos that you can go to when you are feeling ready to face the process again. Also, there are lots of people who don’t have success in IVF but then go on to get pregnant. My cousin was one of these statistics and she firmly believes that it was the two rounds of IVF that kicked everything into touch in the first place. You’re still young and there are lots of options ahead for you. Now might seem like the end of the world but you will cope with it. You both will. Thinking of you xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oscar Pistorius found a toilet thief conceivable (ALLEGEDLY) so maybe this is a fear some people have… I would hope a robber would have the common sense to use the toilet before leaving home though.

    On a serious note, I’m so so sorry this is turning out this way. It sounds desperately hard on the psyche. I wish I could send you some fun socks to wear while you look after yourself at home. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh I’m so sorry for you. That is such a terrible, traumatic disappointment. The first IVF transfer I did I had a fresh transfer (day 5) against my doctor’s preferences as he says that your hormones are still everywhere that can be detrimental. He says that FET have better results. I’ve subsequently done 3 FET and all three have resulted in falling pregnant (ok 2 miscarriages followed, but that’s a different issue). While I know we are all very different, I just want to give you hope that even though this transfer may not have worked out, you might have a better result with frozen embryos. Until then, be kind to yourself as it’s really tough going this IVF rollercoaster.

    Liked by 2 people

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