IVF Time to Reflect

So we’re about 5 weeks on from the period that made it clear that our first round of IVF has failed. I didn’t even get to do a pregnancy test while not bleeding…

Today, we saw the doctor – he went through the whole IVF procedure with us, explaining this was normal and that was normal. And basically they have no idea why the embryo didn’t do its thing. They explained we have a B grade and a C grade embryo in the freezer so not an awesome one like the one that failed. This does not give me much confidence to be honest. 

It feels like far longer than 5 weeks ago. A lot has happened. We’ve been busy what with house hunting and house buying (fingers crossed) and so on. We’ve had friends round, we’ve been to Wales and we haven’t really stopped.
It’s been nice not to have the drugs going through my system. That combined with the good weather really helped. I felt positive for a while. Even cheerful. Odd considering that it didn’t work. But I think that getting the drugs out of my system made life so much easier.

Theoretically I wouldn’t need to have drugs for the frozen cycle as my periods are fairly regular. But that’ll be a wait and see thing I guess. I hope not as they really bring me down and mess up my emotions. 

So now we have to decide when to do the frozen cycle, before or after we move? Once we’ve moved coming back to Oxford is more of a pain, however after we’ve moved the whole house moving stress will be behind us. Pros and cons. 

We have to decide one embryo or both. Stats according to the doctor are 50% chance of implementation if one is put in 60% if both are put back in. Then the chances of twins are far far higher. Is this a risk I want to take? I’m slightly scared of the twins idea though I wouldn’t have to go through the whole thing again if it worked… Again pros and cons.

And then there’s the cost we have to pay many people much money at the moment due to the whole moving house thing. Do we have £2000 just lying around? And not currently ear marked for house moving? So many decisions.

On reflection though it could be worse. They could have turned around and gone no way, no how is a baby going to turn up. So there’s still a hope of sorts. Though there are times when I wonder if I’d be better off knowing for definite there’s a problem that’s unfixable. I’d be able to grieve and move on. We’d certainly not be wondering if we could juggle money for another go. I don’t know what’s best really… Hope or No Hope. It’s a difficult one.

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5 thoughts on “IVF Time to Reflect

  1. It’s a tough one isn’t it. I always thought that just knowing one way or the other would be enough for me to move on, but I’ll be honest, it’s not. There have been times, even during the IVF process, that I thought ‘hmmm, do I actually want children?’ and I kept thinking that there must be something wrong with me. Maybe I shouldn’t be taking NHS resources going through the process when there are women out there so much more desperate than I seem to be.

    That’s just the way my mind dealt with the what ifs I think. Now I’ve been told I’ll pretty much definitely never have children, it’s devastating. I’m ok. I’ve grieved. I’m still grieving. I’ll probably grieve off and on forever but I will be ok. We will be ok.

    Every decision is a personal one. You will know in your heart what it is that you need to do. You’re still young, there still may be other options available to you further down the line if you decide to wait a short while. No one can tell you what’s the right way or the wrong way but I wish you all the best in making your decision. Both of you xx

    Liked by 2 people

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