So we’re about 5 weeks on from the period that made it clear that our first round of IVF has failed. I didn’t even get to do a pregnancy test while not bleeding…

Today, we saw the doctor – he went through the whole IVF procedure with us, explaining this was normal and that was normal. And basically they have no idea why the embryo didn’t do its thing. They explained we have a B grade and a C grade embryo in the freezer so not an awesome one like the one that failed. This does not give me much confidence to be honest. 

It feels like far longer than 5 weeks ago. A lot has happened. We’ve been busy what with house hunting and house buying (fingers crossed) and so on. We’ve had friends round, we’ve been to Wales and we haven’t really stopped.
It’s been nice not to have the drugs going through my system. That combined with the good weather really helped. I felt positive for a while. Even cheerful. Odd considering that it didn’t work. But I think that getting the drugs out of my system made life so much easier.

Theoretically I wouldn’t need to have drugs for the frozen cycle as my periods are fairly regular. But that’ll be a wait and see thing I guess. I hope not as they really bring me down and mess up my emotions. 

So now we have to decide when to do the frozen cycle, before or after we move? Once we’ve moved coming back to Oxford is more of a pain, however after we’ve moved the whole house moving stress will be behind us. Pros and cons. 

We have to decide one embryo or both. Stats according to the doctor are 50% chance of implementation if one is put in 60% if both are put back in. Then the chances of twins are far far higher. Is this a risk I want to take? I’m slightly scared of the twins idea though I wouldn’t have to go through the whole thing again if it worked… Again pros and cons.

And then there’s the cost we have to pay many people much money at the moment due to the whole moving house thing. Do we have £2000 just lying around? And not currently ear marked for house moving? So many decisions.

On reflection though it could be worse. They could have turned around and gone no way, no how is a baby going to turn up. So there’s still a hope of sorts. Though there are times when I wonder if I’d be better off knowing for definite there’s a problem that’s unfixable. I’d be able to grieve and move on. We’d certainly not be wondering if we could juggle money for another go. I don’t know what’s best really… Hope or No Hope. It’s a difficult one.

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