Well here I am a week and a half into my new job in the civil service and all I can say is that I feel very much like a rabbit in the headlights. So far I have met about half the team. It seems to be spread out over three offices. Two relatively close to each other and one in South Wales. This means that there’s going to be a lot of online/phone communication to keep in touch with everybody. This isn’t something I’m happy with. I absolutely hate talking to people on the phone. Well as a part of work. I far prefer email where at least you get a paper trail of sorts.
Then there’s the fact I have to manage a couple of people who’ve done their jobs for years but are probably at least as introverted as I am. This is going to cause issues. Nobody seems to have a very clear idea of what goes on in that office but seem to think that asking questions will get me the answers. What questions? I don’t know enough about the place to ask useful ones.
I feel really lost but this may be something to do with the fact that so far I’ve read lots of policies and done the mandatory training. All of it. Nobody seems to want to start me off working, at least not properly. The whole thing really feels like being dropped off the deep end to be honest! Instead of giving me tasks to do I’ve basically been told read theses, do these oh and phone the other librarians (who are for the most part incidentally not librarians) to find out what they do. To be honest, until I know what I’m doing I see very little point in this. Not to mention the idea of phoning up complete strangers and going “So what do you do all day?” fills me with dread.
I feel as if I’ve made a huge mistake taking this job. Especially as I’ve been unsure about the whole librarianship thing for a while. It’s just what do I do instead? I have no great career ambitions. I only ever wanted a family which is obviously in question now.
Being positive about anything is just so difficult at the moment and I don’t know what to do with myself.
On the plus side, the husband has a sixth sense when it comes to me crying my eyes out and came for cuddles and to give weird ideas of things I can do instead of librarianing.