How to kill your career in one fell swoop

How to kill you career in one fell swoop:

1. Start a new job.

2. Hand in your notice less than a month later.

So, I decided to just quit. Well, hand in my notice, anyhow. I’ll still be a civil servant for the next month or so, but after that I shall be jobless. And I chose to do this. Finally, I have proof that I’m an idiot. I know I really don’t want to work in a library/information environment again but I don’t know what I want to do instead – so, as opposed to being sensible and exploring my options, I quit. I’m glad but I’m also scared, especially as I feel that leaving after a month closes more doors than it opens.

My mum has made it perfectly obvious that she thinks I’m mad! Mostly because I don’t have a properly valid reason for resigning. I don’t think my mother gets how worked up I am about everything, or – more to the point – doesn’t understand why I’m so worked up. “It’s not as if you’re currently undergoing IVF right now”, (which, to be fair, I’m not – this doesn’t seem to help though) and “everybody moves, it’s not that bad”. This did not make me feel better. Especially as she then went on to say how I never talk to her about things and that it’s not natural. And how I’d hurt her feelings by not being sociable when I was home over the weekend.

The problem is we are very similar people and always read more into things than is actually meant. I always feel as if my mother is judging me, so I don’t tell her things. Not important things, just… things. On the other hand, my mother sees this as a sign that I don’t like her, especially if I happen to discuss things with my siblings and not with her. It’s a no-win situation. And it drives me mad; drives her mad as well, to be fair…

I told my friends today, who took it rather better – probably because I tell them more about what’s going on with my emotions than I tell my mum. One of my friends phoned me this evening for a proper chat and that helped a lot. She recommended a councelling website which I’m contemplating. I haven’t decided yet, not sure I like the idea of pouring my problems out at a random strangers’ feet.

But anyhow it seems to me that I’ve stepped off the map and I’m now lost somewhere, waiting for a new one to turn up. That or I’ll have to take up Cartography in a big way. We’ll see.

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6 thoughts on “How to kill your career in one fell swoop

  1. Good for you! I think you’re right. If it’s just not working, and you can manage financially for now, make the big leap.
    On the counselling part… do that too. I’m a massive advocate of talking to a (qualified) stranger. I’ve had several spells of counselling for various things and it really helps me to process my thoughts and add a new perspective. I wrote about my most recent experience in a blog called Therapy. To me blogging is a version of therapy for that same reason – making sense of my thoughts by getting them out of my head – so you might already be half way there!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re the ONLY one who can look after you. Brave decision and absolutely no point in second guessing it afterwards. I have done this more than once in my life and every time, despite the immediate fear and self-doubt, it has always been the right decision. If you are unhappy in your job then everything else will be compounded. Take a bit of time for you and ideas will come. Be kind to yourself!! Xx

    Like

  3. If it feels right for you then it’s definitely the right thing! People will think you are mad but most people don’t understand how much you have to look after yourself mentally. I’d say go to therapy just to vent out everything without the judgement or pity or all the feelings that are involved in a chat when it’s with family or friends! Be strong xo

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Pingback: Charting my wife’s emotions (for science) – The Lost Astronomer

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